Valentines Shmalentines: I’m just in it for the lingerie

Agent Provocateur Ariel

Agent Provocateur: Ariel

We all pretty much know that Valentine’s Day is hokey, if indeed hokey is a word one can use outside of the 1950’s. It’s totally invented by marketing, it puts a load of pressure on people whether they’re in a relationship or not, and it leads to an avalanche of cheap, red tat that ends up in landfill by March. You only have to look at a seasonal Ann Summers window to sum up that Valentine’s Day is the holiday equivalent of 50 Shades of Grey: devoid of meaning, less fun than it should be, and generally uncomfortable for everyone.

That said, it is essentially a festival of lingerie: and for that there is a small part of my heart that loves Valentine’s, and a totally legitimate excuse to collect together a few romantic (though definitely not not red) treats for the season. They’re not always G+ options to be fair, but when can a girl fantasise if not on V-Day?

Alas, desensitised to truly cracking lingerie after nearly three years of living with a lingerie blogger, Mr B4J will no doubt be indifferent to the lacy plans I have for myself: after a rich diet of frills and french lace I suspect he’d just like a night off with a three pack of white M&S knickers. Forget 50 Shades of Grey: now that’s pervy.

[As an aside, if you’re shopping for a Valentine’s gift for someone else follow this guide to buying lingerie for a partner: simply dial up the sexy as appropriate. My position on itchy fabrics stands firm.]

 

Fauve Emmanuelle

Fauve: Emmannuelle

Just Flew in Lila UnderwiredFreya: Just Flew In Lila

Btempted by Wacoal: Ciao Bella

b.tempt’d by Wacoal: Ciao Bella

Dirty Pretty Things: Vivian FluoroDirty Pretty Things: Vivian

Miss Mandalay Mink AmelieMiss Mandalay: Amelie Mink

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Freya Deco: everyday delight

Freya Deco 356

It’s no secret that the Freya Deco Plunge is one of my favourite bras – so I’m excited to hear about Deco 365,  a year long celebration of the style just launched for 2013. Always on the right side of that fine line between ‘seamless and moulded’ and ‘ugly and cumbersome’, time after time I come back to the Deco Plunge for a truly epic cleavage and a few surprising fashion solves too.

Like, riding a bike. Deco Plunge is no sports bra, but when it comes to cycling long distances (or for a long day of short distances over Amsterdam’s cobbled streets), Deco is by far the most comfortable choice for cycling. By uplifting the cleavage, it prevents painful jolts in the breasts – in exchange for a gentle jiggling in the top of the cup (which I usually cover – no one needs to see two huge panna cottas wobbling by at speed on the back of a tandem on a Saturday morning). Deco is a boob defender.

Or fitting my boobs in to certain dresses. Sounds counterintuitive when you consider how epic the cleavage is, but because the Deco is so ‘front and center’ it can sometimes make all the difference between a fit and a smoosh when wearing fitted clothes. The picture at the bottom is of me in one of my favourite Whistles dresses (FYI K Middy has it too. I say BACK OFF K MIDDY. LEAVE WHISTLES FOR THE REST OF US), and the picture (#awkward) that I uploaded to Freya’s Deco 365 gallery. There’s no give in the lining of that dress, and without the stretch curvy girls depend on only Deco can wrestle G-Unit in to a position that works. You have to admire her can do attitude.

And did I mention the epic cleavage? I think Deco is peerless for D+ push ups. Need to make an impact? She’s got you covered. Need to distract from an ill-timed bloat by upping your waist-to-bust ratio? No problem. Enjoy finding lost pieces of popcorn when you get home from the cinema? Just me then…

So let’s talk fit. I find Deco a little big in the back, so usually size down in the back and up in the cup (something only possible since recently, when they expanded their sizes. The H cup Deco surely can’t be far away?) The straps are quite wide set, and – my favourite feature as a bony girl – the deep plunge of the bra means a narrow, comfortable centre gore that never digs in to my sternum. Deco Plunge, I couldn’t be without you.

Discover the full Deco range and upload your own Deco style at Freya Deco 365.

Awkward photo of Busts 4 Justice. Dress: Whistles

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You don’t have to put on the red light* (*you’re fair game anyway)

Although Busts 4 Justice is generally UK/US focussed (as are many of my readers – hello), for nearly two years B4J HQ has been located in Amsterdam. It’s beautiful, bonkers; I’ve met some amazing people, cycled for miles through impossible pretty streets, had a lot of fun and learned so much since I’ve been here (except Dutch, embarrassingly). It’s so much more than I thought it would be: so much more than stoners and red lights. I love Amsterdam.

But I recently moved to the very center of the city, a heartbeat from the Amsterdam that most people know: the main drag of coffee shops and brothels. And though I love my house, the neighbourhood, my neighbours, the shops and the restaurants… amidst my ex-pat dream I have to be honest that I no longer feel safe walking home by myself. When I do, I am harassed by men (sometimes alone, sometimes in groups). Sometimes it’s gross but almost funny – last night I was asked if I wanted a job – but sometimes its… horrible.

Ten minutes ago, I was walking the 800m walk home from a work event to my apartment. It’s cold so I was walking fast – bundled up in my clothes and with my head bunched down in to my scarf. Either side of me nearly-naked girls were selling sex… but one man; stocky and a good couple of feet taller than me, chose instead to block my path, lean in and over me, and – my Dutch isn’t great, granted; but you can catch the drift in these situations – suggest something I’m pretty sure would cost you extra with the ladies behind the glass. I ducked him and sped home, quite shaken. No, nothing physically happened to me. But when a stranger – actually anyone – who physically could easily overpower you intimidates you like that, it’s upsetting. I was upset. I am upset.

This is the problem with normalising the sexual objectification of women. Let’s assume (because – don’t kid yourself, sex tourists – often it’s not the case even in Amsterdam) these women have chosen to offer sex as a commodity. That they are trading in sex isn’t the problem: it’s that people see them as objects for sex. There is no differentiation between the women behind the glass and any woman. All they know is that women can be objects: therefore, all women can be objects.

And let’s be real, what has been happening to me isn’t even about sex. We were flanked by six women in Hunkemoller beckoning men in – I was a ball of shivering wool clearly in a hurry to get home. If that man wanted sex, he could have had it easily. What that man wanted was to make me – someone, anyone – feel scared. Sex may be the message, but it’s certainly not the motive.

Amsterdam is an extreme situation, where the sex industry is overt and everywhere and expected. But honestly, what happened to me today – and what has increasingly happened to me since I moved to this neighbourhood – is no worse than what I regularly experienced when I lived in the UK. Where objectifying women is normal – on Page 3, in no-feelings-no-pleasure porn, in red-lit windows – it’s not just the women taking part who become objects. It’s all of us. We are all abstract, disposable, controllable, passive, there for someone else’s pleasure.

Campaigns like No More Page 3 are called hysterical or prudish for demanding an end to things that conspire to perpetuate this culture. But I can’t help but think that if those critics knew how it felt – knew how their sisters and daughters and mothers felt when someone twice their size felt entitled to corner them on a dark street – that they might think a little bit harder about how to end it.

Photo borrowed from outspokeonhealth.com

P.S To be clear, I’m not blaming Amsterdam’s sex workers for what happened: I think on balance sex workers are safer when it is legal (though it would be interesting to see what would happen if buying sex wasn’t….).

P.P.S 29.1.13 small edit to language inspired by Viva la Bravolution in the comments, for the reasons she eloquently (and rightfully) explains.

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My Bust is for Justice: Susannah says standardized fitting advice for all

“My Bust is for Justice” is a brand new soapbox for bloggers with a big fat drum to beat. First up, lingerie.co.uk blogger Susannah Perez imagines a world with standardized fitting advice for all…

Playtex get it wrong

Playtex Bra Calculator = wrong

Both images taken from different Playtex bra calculators. Nice one, Playtex! – B4J

The Perfect Fit: Why the UK Should Have Industry Standard Fitting Advice, by Susannah Perez

There’s a scenario that most women have been through. You’ve trawled the high street up and down to find a lingerie department with a decent size range and not too much beige. Somehow, in a whirl of perfume, lace and neon panties, you end up standing in a badly lit fitting room, topless, while a lady with four boobs and too much fake tan wraps a tape measure around you and proudly proclaims that you’re a 38DD. When you’re a size 10.

Now, the ladies that frequent Busts 4 Justice would simply turn around and walk on out of there – clearly this so-called ‘fitter’ has no idea how a bra should actually fit. But what if you’re one of the many women out there who isn’t sure how a bra should fit anyway?

Most would take the advice of this apparent professional, potentially spending a lot of money on bras that they deem uncomfortable torture devices, because everyone’s bras are painful, right? It’s just something that women on a whole have to put up with. And most of these ladies will never know that the reason they’re always uncomfortable is simply because they’re wearing the wrong size.

This is why we need industry standard fitting advice.

Your Health and Your Bra

It’s not just discomfort that women get from wearing the wrong sized bra – this discomfort can actually be a precursor to health problems from mastalgia, to frequent headaches and migraines, to severe neck and shoulder pain due to strain put on the trapezius muscle, to chronic back pain. These conditions can be debilitating, and add hugely to healthcare costs – whether it’s regularly needing to buy ibuprofen or Deep Heat, or receiving physiotherapy on the NHS.

When you’re fitted, you’re essentially getting health advice. Think about it this way: you’d expect the girl manning the Pharmacy counter in Boots, your masseuse, and the personal trainer you sometimes fork out for at the gym to all be properly trained with sound, medical advice that is beneficial to you. You’d expect them to have had extensive training, and there to be a national source for this training – so no matter if you bought your ibuprofen from Boots, Superdrug or Lloyds, you would always be given the same correct advice about its use.

So why should your bra fitter be any different? They’re providing you with advice that can seriously affect your health if wrong.

Fitting Training Today

The amount of fitting training, and what the ‘proper’ way to fit is, is currently completely dictated by the store or company itself. They have complete free reign to decide how a woman should be measured, whether it results in a truly correctly fitting and comfortable bra or not. Also, the extent of fitting training in most high-street stores is generally completely inadequate, usually amounting to under an hour of ‘you measure here and here, add four, and then work out the cup.’

Unfortunately, many shops also unofficially train on cross-grading and encourage their staff to fit women within the store’s size range to make a sale, even if the result is a bra that does not remotely fit.

My Fitting Dream

Can you imagine walking into any lingerie store or department, knowing that if you choose to get fitted in there you’ll receive a comprehensive service and either walk out with a perfectly fitting bra, or a recommendation on where to go so you can get your size?

If industry standard fitting advice was introduced, this dream could become a reality. It could result in a world where all stores fit women by a set of guidelines that cut out inaccurate practises, like the +4 method and measuring over the bust for an under bust measurement, and promote visual assessment over what a tape measure says. A world where a two-day training course is mandatory for every bra fitter, examining every aspect of a fit, from fitting a first bra, to tacking issues caused by wearing the wrong fit for a long time.

That world would be a perfect one!

A Shove in the Right Direction

If an industry standard was introduced, it would also help cut down on the extent of variation between sizes in stores – not completely, but it would help form a solid idea that a 34 back bra should actually measure 34 inches and fit a 34 inch under bust. This could potentially make online shopping for lingerie a darn side easier too.

It might also help to expand the size ranges offered in high street stores, and convince lingerie companies that women don’t just come in a 32A to a 38DD – we’re everything from a 24AAA to a 28K to a 46F and everywhere under and over and in between. Women are not standard, but standard fitting advice would help highlight that.

 

What do you think? An underwired utopia, impossible dream, or recipe for total and utter disaster? Let us know below…

 

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Pretty girls, nice fits.

Darcy Balconnette Bra by Cleo

Darcy: Cleo by Panache (review here)

Oh, Panache. Not only do you make some truly cracking undercrackers, but you’re some of the nicest people in lingerie too. And to prove the point, Panache have extended their ‘Love the Fit‘ programme in to hosting actual classes at their Sheffield HQ for customers to learn how to recognise a properly fitting bra. *SPOILER ALERT!* Properly fitted you drop a dress size, your nipples stay in the cups when you use stairs, and you don’t want to tear your bra from your body at the end of each day as if it were made of snakes. I chalk it up as a positive.

Can’t make a class but suspect your bra isn’t 100% on your team? This handy Bra Fit Challenge quiz helps you check some of the basics. Don’t put up with bras you hate. Love your boobs, and love your fit.

Panache Swimwear - Stella

 

Stella: Panache Swimwear

Masquerade by Panache - Rosetti

 

Rosetti: Masquerade by Panache

Panache Superbra - Jasmine

 

Andorra – Panache Superbra

Cleo by Panache - MegMeg – Cleo by Panache

 

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