Regular readers will know just how much I pined for the beautiful Freya Bardot bikini. When I spotted it approximately FOREVER ago I knew right away that this little Biba inspired beauty had to be mine, and finally, yesterday, it was…

My preferred bandeau top – whilst being a bit tricky to do up alone – is true to size, soft and comfortable, and gives a more than respectable amount of support for a bandeau. The halter strap doesn’t really take any weight, and is squishy enough to mean any weight it does take is cushioned from your neck. The fabric is gorgeous, the print is beautiful, and the colour even suits my barely-alive skin tone. And more importantly, while it’s clearly no sports costume, it passed the swim, the silliness, the sauna and the dunk tests without any need for readjustment. Also, for non-ghostly people who actually change colour in the sun, the strap comes off easily for tanline evasion. Bardot is – as predicted – the bikini of my dreams.

Which makes this next point all the more painful to write. The ‘skirted’ bottoms (above left) are not as delightful as the top. Though they look stunning in the picture – and indeed on curvier curves when dry, standing still and with the side ties pulled as tight as can be – in the pool they are transformed in to something quite… peculiar. There is an awful excess of fabric; so much so, in fact, that I could pull the ‘skirt’ up and tuck it in to my top to fashion a onesie, and in the pool found – depending on how tight the ties were – it either bobbed about like an extra stone and a half of cheese and steak on my bottom, or billowed wildly about me as if my body had impaled an enormous red jellyfish. Not practical for carefree swimtime fun. Sad, sad face.

My biggest disappointment with Biba, I suppose, is that there’s no middle point between the skimpiness of the brief option and the bulkiness of the skirt. The skirt will suit some, I’m sure – but I suspect something in the middle would my curves far better than either options available. It’s frustrating. But hopelessly devoted as I am, I will order the briefs and try to fold and stitch the bottoms in to something resembling the picture above. The top, the fit, the fabric and the style of the bandeau are too beautiful – for them, I can compromise on what lies beneath…

Freya Bardot available now from retailers including Leia Lingerie, Figleaves and I’m sure more…