It’s not me, it’s you….

Tangled up brasI’ve just read a string of blog posts and articles about how horrible/impossible/torturous bras are when you’re busty and I just have to say…

It’s not you, it’s them.

Your breasts are not wrong. Your body is not difficult. And you don’t have to put up with this crap any more.

If your bra is so uncomfortable by the end of the day you can’t wait to tear it off, that’s not just how it is: that’s a clear sign your bra is treating you badly. You deserve more (and can get it too!) if you learn to recognise good fit. Your band should be firm, flat to your chest, and horizontal to the floor (even if you raise your arms). Your breasts should be totally encased by the wires with no poking or resting on soft tissue. And the cup should sit flat, not pucker and gape or dig in to the skin. Don’t be afraid to disobey the fitter or to try something new: you know your body and your comfort better than she does. And don’t be afraid to experiment: you may find your perfect fit miles from where you started. E.g:

  • Band riding up at the back? Try a smaller back size.
  • Shoulder straps digging in? Try loosening the straps, or try a smaller back size.
  • Cups spilling over? Try a bigger cup.
  • Front center pulling away from chest? Try a bigger cup & a smaller back size.
  • Cups gaping at the top? Try a smaller cup size
  • Band too tight? Try a bigger cup size or a bigger back size.

Have an open mind and forget everything you think you know about bra sizes. And if you’re stuck, head to for help finding that fit from B4J and some rather nice friends too.

Remember, poking wires, digging straps, gaping cups, bouncing breasts and wriggling bands are not something you have to accept just because a high street lingerie fitter tells you it’s right. It’s not your body making these (usually) well engineered  pieces of clothing useless – it’s just the wrong shape for you.

I wish I could tell my 15 year old self that I wasn’t a freak for being the shape I was – that I could save her years of body issues and self-consciousness caused by bad fitting advice and worse fitting bras. Breaking up is hard to do, but it’s time to dump bad bras and ditch body blaming. It doesn’t matter if you’re big boobed, small boobed, skinny, fat or somewhere in between. We all deserve better from the bras we choose – and better is out there. We just need to demand it.

Love from, B4J.


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21 Responses to It’s not me, it’s you….

  1. annasamara says:

    I love this post – brilliantly said. I wish I could tell my 15yo self the same thing.

  2. curvy57 says:

    This is what I tell my customers everyday I ensure all my lady’s all go out with the fit bra style that they want or best suits them for the outfit they want to wear whether its everyday use . We teach our ladies how to get the best out of their bra’s by hand washing at all time throughout the life of the bra and the bra should work for the lady not the customer work for the bra by pulling the bra down and the straps up constantly and hunching forward to keep them up cause back pain constantly/.
    if they is any problem they feel they have with any product they buy from me I encourage them to come back so we can work out where and how the problem can be sorted.
    Women have to talk with their feet if they are told it looks good and its the right fit and they don’t either like it or feel it looks good or hurts them in any way , they should not buy they should walk out of the store.
    when you measure yourself under the bust you will know right away if they have added the famous 4 to 6 ins then you know they have taken you down a least 3 to 4 cups sizes smaller than you should be wearing and two back sizes less you should be buying.
    its not difficult if you remember to bring the breast forward from the top of the underarm to underneath the nipple then lift the breast up out of the cup gently drop it back in don’t push, swash, or bash into the cup it should be gently fall into the cup if its not falling out then adjust the strap to your comfort you must do this with both breasts to find out one that is the bigger breast and choose the bra if lady’s have a bigger difference in the two breasts then the sponge glamour pads inserted into the smaller breast cup and that way it can give back the confidence the lady needs to wear any garment and show off her confidence with any outfit.
    the gadgets out there work if you are show how to use them the best way for every garment and correctly we teach all our customers how to use them all.

  3. Linda says:

    Well I know bra fitting, I know which size I am and all the signs to look for.
    Still I am in pain and it all started when I gained a bit of weight and my breasts went up a cup size. Basically the old size bras are fine, well I spill out on the top but no digging in under my breasts. If I wear my new cup size, I get the wires digging into my underbust, even though it is the same model just one size bigger.
    The wires are just too big.
    So I am afraid, sometimes even the knowledge, even trying different brands, will not help.

    • Hmmm, have you tried a smaller band size? Might sound illogical if you’ve gained weight, but it could be that it’s a different shape cup that you need (i.e fuller, but narrower). I am certain that unless you have three boobs or nipples that shoot fire (and maybe even then!) there is a better, more comfortable solution for you. I’m happy to help you try and work this out if you’re keen to explore – you can either reply here or visit (you can either message or post if you prefer to be private) and we’ll try and problem solve this together. No one should have to accept painful boobs as a result of the bra they choose! x

      • Linda says:

        I am a 28″ band and I do measure myself on a reg basis to see if anything changes. I also talked to Bravissimo on the phone and they did not know what to do.
        So I am basically not wearing a bra as much as possible to give my skin time to heal and after that, we shall see.

  4. Nicola says:

    Also remember that sometimes one particular brand does not suit you. I adore freya bras and they fit great but just cannot get on with curvy kate or Panache or cleo so I do try them on I can never get a good fit because they just do not suit my boobs and body. Yes I have massive bra envy and I try them on anyway but then I go back to freya and get a really good fit it is just a process of trial and error.

    • curvy57 says:

      I also find as a store that has supplied these makes and my daughter who is a 32 JJ,K has also tried them they are not the sizes they state they are so the new molded curvy Kate is not the size they state I would say it would only go up to a J, JJ, depending on the breast shape and weight .the back in curvy Kate is OK but panache is definitely not what is stated on the ticket for back and cup terrible to fit on most ladies and expensive for the quality they produce.

    • For sure – Freya and I get along perfectly but Curvy Kate and Panache are more trial and error (sometimes, only error). It’s about learning what works for you and embracing it (not that that ever stops me from trying and hoping when other brands have beautiful lingerie and swimwear on offer!) x

      • Nicola says:

        Curvy57 – I have tried panache, curvy kate and cleo in store with great fitting advice and even with going up and down back size and cup sizes trying on I dont know how many sizes they just dont do anything for me. Seen the new wild bra by CK on the bravissimo model? Well I tried it and was in the right size but it just did nothing for me, in fact it made my boobs look smaller no matter how much I wanted it to work. In fact I am back in my freya decos for that omph. Panache and cleo produce mainly balconettes which just dont suit my shape I need a plunge most of the time no matter how much I want things to fit. I find the shape cuts into the top of my breast and the wires are just far too high for my liking and comfort. Curvy kate I find the straps are too far apart which means in a correct fitting bra size the bra is cutting into me under my armpits but then if i change the back or cup size it does not fit correctly. So freya is my go to but even this season far too many balconette styles and plunges that give a very pointy shape. I go to Bravissimo early so I can try on lots and lots of styles and sizes.

      • Helen wheeler says:

        Try vanity fair best form kacey is a nice bra as they o a 30 back but it can be snug on the back and cup and its a balcony comes in ivory parfait starts at 30 but some of the products in he moulded cups can be snug also and again you may have to go up a cup size too but great fits and beautiful range and briefs are great too very popular with all age groups for my customers

  5. Erica says:

    I live in Louisiana and I’m not sure where to go to get properly, can someone help me?

    • Hey Erica, let me do a shout on Twitter for you – see if I can find some help for you. If not, Butterfly Collection are in Canada but Claire (who is lovely) does Skype fittings x

    • curvy57 says:

      yes get a tape measure measure right under your breast alined with the back the tape measure should be level all around if its even that’s the back size you should be looking for if its odd go up 1ins .put the tape measure around the fullest part of the breast , the nipple should be inline with the middle part of your upper arm to get a correct make have to get someone to help you just lift your bra straps to bring the fullest part of the breast to the middle of youe upper arm bone.
      then count the inches difference that gives you cup sizes in the UK ITS
      1=A, 2=B,3=C,4=D.5=DD,6=E,7=F,8=FF9=G,10=GG.11=H,12=HH,13=,14=JJ,15=K.
      This is the UK sizing I believe its different in America but its still the same principle.
      But you must stand tall scoop the breast into your palm drop it gently into the cup shake of mold the material around the breast if it falling out of one cup go up a cup size but use the straps to bring the material to aline close to the breast tissue and any creases on the material that’s all the straps are use for not to hold the breast up the support of the breast is the band under the bust.
      Hope this helps feel free to contact me for any more advice .

    • Hey! Not sure if this is close to you but this lady Karen ( ) works at a boutique called the Bra Genie in Mandeville, Louisiana. She’s v. happy for you to get in touch – even if you’re not nearby she might be a good connection x

  6. Sandra F says:

    Try They stock beautiful lingerie starting at size 28

  7. HH says:

    Good post! I just found out my real bra size and currently ordering bras online since there’s simply none in my size here in Malaysia. And one of the bras I ordered is in the picture, the white one! 😀 Can you do some sort of a mini review of how the bra fits?

    • Hey HH! Sorry I can’t do you a mini-review – it’s actually quite an old picture so I don’t have it any more (and it was the wrong size!). Probably not the same one you ordered – hope it works when it arrives. Let me know! I know things are pretty tough for bigger cups in your neck of the woods – I get quite a lot of e-mails. Good luck! x

      • HH says:

        I ordered the bra in 30DD. The band was freaking tight and the cups are too small! The satin part bunches up so under clothes, my boobs will look like they have spikes. Hahaha. I was sad because the bra itself is so pretty. I ended up returning it.

      • curvy57 says:

        Hello You should never set yourself to saying that’s you size as that what you measure isn’t necessary what is going to fit you as company’s don’t honestly fit honestly this is down to the masses made that’s down to the company that makes them and the checker at the end of the line checker as to what size its going to be put on the ticket .
        I wish they would all stick to the exact size the bra really is but they don’t keep complaining to who ever you buy it off and maybe this practice will stop eventually nothing wrong with you my darling its the main company not demanding the correct sizing on ticket’s and designs too can be at fault .
        nothing wrong with trying the next back and cup or maybe just cup or two but never go down two cup sizes to fit yourself into a bra it just means the bra isn’t for you.
        If more women complained the to the main companies that make these bra’s it would be a better world for all us women plus teaching themselves to fit a bra on themselves not relying on high street stores to fit them as they all add four to five inches measure yourself and realize what you actual back size is to start with them work out what cup fits comfortably and suits you best not a pretty bra on a hangers you wouldn’t do it would a dress I hope lol.
        Hope this helps.

      • Yikes! Sounds like you need significantly bigger cups! Did you find a better fit eventually?

  8. This is a wonderful read. I love the concise answers to a lot of common bra issues. Thank you!

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