Reduce your IQ… I mean… bra size with Ultimo’s new miracle* cream

*NB. Probably not a miracle.

Sometimes, I read things that make me furious. Others, just make me roll my eyes until they’re loose in my head. This ‘news’, about Michelle Mone/Ultimo’s latest product, provoked the latter.

I don’t really get Michelle Mone. She jumps on the ‘real women’ bandwagon with a customer model campaign that promotes shape and age diversity (ish) one minute, and then the next she’s releasing expensive potions promising to magically reduce bra sizes in a matter of weeks.

Theory 1: Michelle Mone actually doesn’t give a crap about promoting healthy body image.

£40 seems quite cheap for something that claims to be an alternative to expensive breast reduction surgery – I can see how it would appeal to someone unhappy with their curves. But for my money, £40 is rather a lot for something that has not been proven in clinical trials (the only results are anecdotal, from her friends), and is pedalled by a so called ‘lingerie guru’ who doesn’t seem to understand that breasts are an incredibly complex organ made of a number of different internal tissues, and are therefore unlikely to materially melt away in a slick of herbal extracts. They are breasts, not sugarcubes. No wonder Ultimo bras are so damn uncomfortable.

Theory 2: Moisturising your boobs with anything every day may make sagging skin look firmer (as with your face – read Bad Science by Ben Goldacre for a very interesting chapter on skincare). But I’d rather spend £5 on a moisturiser from a skincare brand not set on insulting my intelligence than give any of my hard earned cash to Ultimo.

Theory 3: For the appearance of smaller boobs, why not try a correctly fitting bra? I dropped a dress size when I went from a 34E to a 30G, and I haven’t wished my boobs smaller since. Reconsider your fit, and learn to love your body for what it is – an real life, manifest, conscious, living miracle. Although perhaps not in a bra made/fitted by Ultimo.

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3 Responses to Reduce your IQ… I mean… bra size with Ultimo’s new miracle* cream

  1. curvy57 helen ross wheeler says:

    Thank you for your honesty in all this ,have you joined Linkenin I could do with some moral support by some of the people on there who don’t give a dam about fitting women in the real cup size or back with their so called I can look at you and give you a bra fitting don’t make me laugh, would you expect your joiner to turn up at your house without a tape measure even if he does know what a six foot wall looks like he is trying to let you see that he is going to get the right amount of material to do the job rather than waisting his time and your money on something you dont need ,…….same in a bra fit is properly on the back and fit the cup properly by fitting all the breast correctly to enable that you need to measure to show the customer the back size they should or could be wearing as most women think you measure and add the 4 to 5 ins……… please join the linkedin and see what they are saying you will be shocked to say the least as well know retailers still think the add on is the right way so women will always been fitted wrong because if gets a sale they don’t care how women feel about themselves, they think their is something wrong with them instead of these people have no morals,….. they just like your cash.. the insults and stupidity of these stores is totally unbelevable and if you said anythings in the street the polce would be charging you with verbal assault.

    • I am in LinkedIn but I don’t use it for boob stuff – my forum for fighting is here, Twitter and Facebook. Try not to be disheartened: I know it’s infuriating, but what you do in your store is changing women’s lives every day. You are making an impact, even if this increasingly small group of women don’t acknowledge it. Keep up to good fight, but don’t waste your energy on lost causes xxx

  2. I think it’s funny that the ad shows a woman wearing a push bra.

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